Struggling with chaos

Life is nothing without a little chaos to make it interesting.
Amelia Atwater-Rhodes

I see my art as a safe place, a place I can be myself. But there are really times when I feel lost in myself.  Unfortunately life is never perfect; our schedules fall apart, our lives fall apart or our confidence just falls apart.

Over the past few weeks I have been stuck with this overwhelming feeling that my art is useless and not worth the hard work.  I know, I know – it is not true, but that is just what it feels like to me.   I am such a routine driven person, but the holiday time has sent my life into complete chaos.   I really need rest from my daily routine, but without it my art suffers.  Interestingly, the routine helps my creativity.  Within this holiday chaos there has been great joy, wonderful rest and fabulous family time, but sadly no art!  I found my stress levels going through the roof with every day that zoomed by without being in my little studio.  Just when I felt that I would completely fall apart from the stress of not getting to my paintbrushes, I read this poem today.

She let go

She let go.

She let go. Without a thought or a word, she let go.

She let go of the fear.

She let go of the judgments.

She let go of the confluence of opinions swarming around her head.

She let go of the committee of indecision within her.

She let go of all the ‘right’ reasons.

Wholly and completely, without hesitation or worry, she just let go.

She didn’t ask anyone for advice.

She didn’t read a book on how to let go.

She didn’t search the scriptures.

She just let go.

She let go of all of the memories that held her back.

She let go of all of the anxiety that kept her from moving forward.

She let go of the planning and all of the calculations about how to do it just right.

She didn’t promise to let go.

She didn’t journal about it.

She didn’t write the projected date in her Day-Timer.

She made no public announcement and put no ad in the paper.

She didn’t check the weather report or read her daily horoscope.

She just let go.

She didn’t analyze whether she should let go.

She didn’t call her friends to discuss the matter.

She didn’t do a five-step Spiritual Mind Treatment.

She didn’t call the prayer line.

She didn’t utter one word.

She just let go.

No one was around when it happened.

There was no applause or congratulations.

No one thanked her or praised her.

No one noticed a thing.

Like a leaf falling from a tree, she just let go.

There was no effort.

There was no struggle.

It wasn’t good and it wasn’t bad.

It was what it was, and it is just that.

In the space of letting go, she let it all be.

A small smile came over her face.

A light breeze blew through her. And the sun and the moon shone forevermore…

~ Rev. Safire Rose

 

Now I will stop this nonsense and will embrace this day and just let go.  Maybe tomorrow’s holiday chaos will bring some art to my studio, or maybe not…

 

 

 

 

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